The way I loved you
by Lostsoul99
Summary: A songfic to how Alex handeled her pain when Mason hurt her. The song is "The way I loved you" by Selena Gomez. listen to it, its an amazing song.


_**Everything's cool yhea.**_

"She's been acting weird since... well I'm not sure but go and fix it." Theresa prompted Harper sharply, looking over at her daughter sulking on the couch.

Alex clung onto the blanket that was wrapped around her tightly as she fought the urge to cry. The tears welled up in her chocolate eyes as she gazed at the T.V, watching a couple laugh and hold hands. Her heart shattered even more as thoughts of her and Mason emerged. She gasped in pain as she keeled over as the new wave of sorrow and anguish hit her, the loss was too much. The tears came, and she screamed into the couch, hoping that with her dying scream, the pain would die as well.

_**It's all going to be okay, yhea.**_

"Alex?" Harper asked gently as she sat on the couch, next to her best friend. It hurt her too much to see Alex this way. To her, Alex was so jubilant, so full of life. Alex never allowed anyone or anything to bring her this far down. "Alex, are you, are you alright?"

_**And I know, that maybe I'll even laugh about it someday,**_

"No." Alex sniffled into the pillow. She curled up into an even tighter ball as Harper stroked her hair in a mother like way. "I... I feel empty... and it hurts." It didn't make sense to Alex, how she felt, but that was just it. She was so empty that it hurt. Mason hurt her, Mason loved her, then he hurt her. Why would he do that? Alex was so confused, so tired.

_**but not today, no.**_

"Oh sweetie, shhh, it's alright. You're going to be alright. Mason didn't deserve you. You're an amazing girl, and he was stupid to cheat on you. Don't cry over him. It'll be alright." Harper tried to soothe Alex, tried to make her see that crying wasn't going to help her. "Look, how about we go and eat some ice cream, and watch terrible movies. That'll cheer you up. You can make fun of the terrible acting. You love making fun of things."

_**Cause I don't feel so good. I'm tangled up inside, my heart is on my sleeve, tomorrow is a mystery to me.**_

Alex turned towards Harper, her dark brown eyes watering as she shook her head. "I don't want to... I just... I want to breathe, it's so hard to breathe," Alex gasped for air that wouldn't come.

Harper wasn't sure what to say now as she looked over to Theresa. Theresa frowned at her daughter and sorrow found its way into her eyes. Her baby girl was hurting and she didn't know how to comfort her. She tried earlier, making Alex's favorite cookies, hugging her, letting her miss school. Nothing helped her daughter, and it was killing her.

"Alex, honey, come on sweetie. It's alright, just take a deep breath. The pains going to hurt for awhile, but you're strong sweetie. There's nothing you can't face. Come on." Theresa stroked her daughters hair as she listened to her muffled crying and gasping. "You need to breathe."

"I can't, I can't breathe. Please, make it stop Mom. Make him go away."

"Sweetie, the memories aren't going to go away, you can't wish it away. But I can tell you something, that he is just another boy in your life. And he's going to help you grow into an amazing women. You loved him, and he broke your heart. But someday you'll fall in love again, and it'll be just as wonderful, even better than before."

_**And it might be wonderful. It might be magical.**_

"No it won't." Alex cried out as she flopped back onto the couch. Harper just watched her best friend, mortified.

"Come on Alex, it's alright."

"No it's not."

_**It might be everything I waited for.**_

"Sweetie, come on. Boys come and go in life all the time. Mason was one of them."

Alex didn't know how to respond to this. At this point, it felt like Mason was her whole world. She loved him, she trusted him. Then he had to ruin it. Alex hated her self for feeling this way.

_**A miracle.**_

She hated that she loved him even when he clearly didn't love her.

_**Oh but even if I fall in love again with someone new**_

She hated that she missed him, and his charming smile. She hated that the thought of him could make her swoon, could make her cry, could break her down.

_**It can never be the way I loved you.**_

And she hated that she still loved him.

_**Letting you go is**_

"In time you'll move on you know," Harper tried her hand at consoling one last time. But Alex burst into tears. She didn't want to move on. She didn't want to let go. Another wave of pain hit her and she retreated back into the ball she emerged from, screaming.

"Shhh, sweetie, come on." Theresa grabbed her daughter and hugged her tightly. "It's alright, just let it out baby." She cooed.

_**Making me feel so cold yhea.**_

Mason. His name, his voice, his smell. Everything about him she loved and it was killing her. Why did he have to ruin it. Why was it that the same things that she loved about him, could hurt her so much.

Mason. His name, his voice, his smell. A new pain came forth once more, this time stronger than ever. But Alex fought it this time, bracing her self for more tears. She gasped as she repressed it.

"I love you Alex." Those words that once melted her heart, stabbed her now.

_**And I've been trying to make believe it doesn't hurt,**_

She tried to smile at first, pretend she was fine. But she saw through her own façade, she was anything but. What killed her the most was the power he held over her. He entranced her, he led her to believe that maybe, one guy in this world was worth loving. Sure Dean was great, but Mason was her everything. Mason.

_**But that makes it worse yhea**_

"I can't breathe." Alex repeated as her voice hitched and her breathing came in spasms. The clenching of her heart was too much for her. She was losing it. She was losing herself in her pain. Now more than ever she wished Mason was here, to take it away, to tell her it's just a nightmare, it was time to wake up.

"I can't breathe."

_**See I'm a wreck inside**_

"Yes you can, come on baby, take a breath in, and now out." Her mother demonstrated for her. But Alex didn't pay her any attention. Instead Alex focused on the pain, and how it seemed to never dull.

_**My tongue is tied and my body feels so weak**_

"Help me." Alex cried out weakly as new tears rolled down her face, "I don't want to remember anymore."

"You have to." Harper said painfully. "It'll help you move on."

Mason. His name, his voice, his smell. It hurt, it hurt so much to remember.

_**The future maybe all I really need.**_

"What did I do?" Alex wiped the tears away and looked at her mom seriously. "What did I do, to make him not love me?"

_**And it might be wonderful yhea.**_

"You didn't do anything." Theresa said quickly, and seriously.

"All you ever did was love him. There's nothing wrong with that." Harper nodded with sureness, but those words, it affected Alex too much.

"So why didn't he love me?" She repeated.

Harper realized her mistake and poor choice of words and quickly tried to atone for them and reel them back it. But it was too late, they were already cast out, and Alex swallowed them whole.

_**It might be magical, uh oh.**_

"Honey, I asked my self that question every time I broke up with a boy. Mind you, they never broke up with me." Theresa started, but realized Alex was about to cry again and went on with what she was saying. "The point is, sometimes, you can do everything for the person, give them what they wanted. But they will never realize how much you care. They're too blind to their ignorance and too self-absorbed to see that you love them. Mason was no better. Sure he treated you kindly, and you say he said he loved you. But words should be followed by actions. Did he ever prove to you he loved you?"

Alex thought back to the necklace, how it glowed around her neck, letting him know she loved him before she even knew. She thought back to his painting of her, to the walks in the park, just holding his hand. There was evidence he cared for her, even loved her. But it was too much to remember, too much to accept.

"No, he never proved it." Alex whispered to herself.

"Then there you have it." Theresa said pointedly, not catching the pain in Alex's words, or the lie.

_**And it might be everything I waited for**_

"Hey, come on wipe the tears." Harper wiped the tears from Alex's face and smiled lightly. "He's not worth them."

_**A miracle**_

But Mason was worth the tears. He was worth the pain, and he was worth loving. Mason. Oh God, Mason. Her breathing hitched once more at the thought of him. She saw his smile, heard his laugh. She wanted to scream, to drown out the memories that spilled over, that threatened to destroy her.

"Breathe Alex." Theresa rubbed her back. "Just breathe."

_**Oh but even if I fall in love with someone new**_

Mason.

_**It could never be the way I loved you**_

Why did he have to hurt her? Why did he have to say he loved her? Why did she still love him.

_**Like a first love**_

The radio was on. Their song was on. Alex began to feel sick, the room was spinning, and she closed her eyes. He was there. He smiled at her and held out his hand.

"Alex, I love you."

And she reached for it, desperately trying to grab him. Only to have him fade from her mind, and she was pulled back to reality, back to where he wasn't there.

"NO!" She screamed and her mother held on tighter. "No, come back."

She was hysterical.

_**My one and only true love**_

"Why? Why? WHY!" She screamed over and over again. "Why doesn't he love me? Why didn't he choose me? What's wrong with me. I cant even grab his hand."

The tears spilled out and onto her mothers arms, onto the couch, and onto the floor. Theresa watched as the carpet absorbed them, and more fell. She couldn't do anything but hold her baby girl.

Harper wasn't sure how to react to all of this. Alex wasn't herself, Alex didn't cry, ever.

"WHY!"

_**Wasn't it written all over my face yhea**_

"The necklace told him. It glowed because I loved him. It was magic, it was supposed to… I never stopped, it never stopped glowing. So I loved him, but he… he never loved me." Alex sobbed as she tore away from her mother and hugged her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth.

_**I loved you like you loved me**_

"He loved me." She murmured from her knees. "He said it to me, and he meant it… so why would he say it to her as well?"

"Sweetie, I don't understand what you mean." Theresa was confused with her daughters distorted questions. Alex kept mumbling things, and endless stream of questions only she could answer but wouldn't.

"You said he didn't love me but he did. I know it. So where is he now? Why won't he try to fight for me? To prove me wrong."

Mason. His name, his voice, his eyes, his hair, his smile. Everything about him made her love him, made her hate him.

"I feel sick."

_**Like something pure and holy**_

Alex keeled over once more and dry heaved. Her stomach was in knots, and her eyes were burning with tears. Her heart ached, and her mind screamed out. Her throat was raw from her pained cries, cries she hoped he heard.

Mason.

_**Like something that could never be replaced.**_

"Sometimes, questions are better left unanswered." Harper interjected Alex's train of thoughts with her own. Sometimes, it's better to just move on.

But Alex wouldn't move on.

_**And it was wonderful.**_

Mason.

_**It was magical.**_

The necklace.

_**It was everything I waited for.**_

His laugh, his smile his voice, his eyes. His hands, his heart, his mind, his soul. He was beautiful, he was everything she ever wanted and so much more.

_**A miracle**_

Her angel. So how is it he could torture her so. How was it he could let her heart be torn, left to bleed. She knew she was being dramatic, but she didn't care. Teenage angst, but her love for him. Why? What went wrong? Why was her angel, a demon now?

_**And if I should ever fall in love again with someone new uh oh**_

Mason.

_**It could never be the way**_

The talks they had late into the night. The jokes they shared, the way he made her laugh. No, no one would make her feel this way again. No one would make her feel so free. She loved him, and she knew, he loved her. So what went wrong?

_**No it will never be the way**_

He held her hand, and swore he didn't mean it. He swore it was an accident, and maybe it was. But his accident ripped her apart, made her fall, and broke her heart. But still she cried over him. Still she screamed at the pain, and the denial that this just couldn't be real. Mason. He promised he wouldn't hurt her. He promised to love her.

_**I love you**_

Mason. His smile, his laugh, his eyes. No, she couldn't move on. And she curled back up into a ball as her mother hugged her, and Harper stayed by her side, promising for a better day tomorrow. But she knew, their promise was a lie. But so were here tears. He loved her, so "Why?"


End file.
